An ex-neighbour of ours once famously remarked, “You’re never more than 6 feet from a rat”.

If the National Pest Technicians Association’s figures, as reported by the BBC today are correct, it looks like he was right and what’s more his estimate could well be over generous. Apparently there has been a large increase in rodents, and rat numbers in particular are giving cause for concern.

There seems to be disagreement as to the cause, mild winters; a change to fortnightly bin collections or excessive food waste in domestic and commercial kitchens, take your pick, but the effects are un-deniable with a 15% increase in rat call-outs alone.

Last winter we had a rat, in fact to be honest we had two or three. I first noticed just one sitting on the bird feeder helping himself to various goodies. As the weeks went by he brought his friends and at least one of them was living in the roof space over the kitchen.

We moved the bird feeder (food source) far away from the house, but it didn’t take the birds or the rats very long to find it again. I was all for letting things be, after all the rats had cute faces and weren’t doing us any harm, but Peter said we had to get rid of them, as they can spread horrible things to humans such as Weils disease. Of course he was right, but it didn’t make it any easier.

After many arguements on the subject we finally called the local council and the ‘rat man’ came at the beginning of March. Surprisingly his first action was to recommend we go to the local DIY store for rat poison, as it would be cheaper than him! We declined and said that when it came to rats and dangerous chemicals, we wanted the job done by a professional.

He put poisoned traps in the roof space and at the end of the now obvious ‘rat run’ that had appeared since we moved the bird feeder. He also advised us to sheath the stick of the bird feeder with something like a plastic drain pipe to stop the rats from running up it. He said the rats couldn’t cope with such a smooth, broad, slippery surface, and without a food source they might move on, a sort of ‘belt and braces’ approach.

He promised to come back in a week and left, taking a cheque for £46 with him. He returned in 8 days only to find that the rat situation was unchanged, and that the rats were treating the plastic drain pipe with disdain. I don’t think this pleased him too much and he left promising to return again in another week having given the poison more time to work.

We never saw him again, but even more bizarre than that the council didn’t cash my cheque until the 13th August, just over 5 months after his visit! As far as the rats were concerned, we last saw one on March 15th, looking very disorientated in the drive.

I couldn’t bear to watch. It’s not his fault he was born a rat. I imagine if he’d had the choice he would have been Bill Gates or the Queen of England. The ‘rat man’ said they are very timid creatures, well can you blame them when the world and his wife are out to kill them?

This year despite national statistics we haven’t seen a single rat. I wonder if it’s because I’ve stopped buying fat balls for the birds?